“How do I properly raise my child?” is one question that each and every parent asks at least once. Before I provide an answer for that, let me say this. Initially, in Slavic and Aryan cultures, the education of children was first and foremost the responsibility of the father. A mother’s responsibility was to surround all children with Love and Care, and to create Harmony inside the home. Only when men were absent due to wars (or killed in them), the proper education was left to the women. Do not mistake proper education for different skills, which can be learned by observing and mimicking: sowing, knitting, carving, cooking and so on.
This article will provide all of the parents out there on how to properly raise a son, so that son becomes a man, and not a distant echo of a man; so that son is able to create a full and complete family of his own and pass on his culture and traditional values to his children. The following are the thirty advices in proper upbringing of sons:
1. Everything is to be done, so a son would have a full-fledged father. If a woman is not able to live together with a man, but he is not burdened by serious moral vices and bad habits; the woman should fully contribute to intensive contacts between father and son, and his family. A woman is incapable of bringing up a full-fledged son on her own, without the aid of a man.
2. Protect the credibility of the surrounding men, do not undermine it with disparaging remarks and rude shouts, especially over minor disagreements.
3. Encourage the communication with the true men of honor, who really respect themselves.
4. It is important to speak with a son, as with an adult, respectfully. Treat him as if a man stands before you, only the one who did not yet live many years.
5. Do not dismiss any issues or questions that may come up, take them seriously and try to answer them as thoroughly as possible. Understand, that boys do not have naive or premature questions; although there can be incompetent, incomprehensible and arrogant answers.
6. Listen to your son carefully, at the same time, do not encourage excessive talkativeness.
7. Do not lisp. Do not take excessive care of your son.
8. With each passing year, offer more and more tasks, which your son will be capable of completing on his own, which eventually will work for the benefit of the family. Begin with something as simple as tying shoe laces and making his own bed in his early childhood, and ending with repair of furniture, electrical appliances, plumbing and so on in adolescence.
9. Do not discourage his initiative, even if it may lead to some damage (e.g. a broken cup).
10. Do not send the boy away, if he’s observing other men (father, grandfather, older brother, etc.), while they perform certain tasks (repair, building, plowing, etc.). On the contrary, encourage curiosity of routine daily tasks around the household and working with technology.
11. Enforce a balance between praise and criticism.
12. Do not groan at the sight of scratches, abrasions, bruises and other minor injuries. Such injuries happen to all children. Do not blame them for such minor injuries. Instead, say something like: “it will heal before your wedding” or “girls like scars”.
13. From the 4-5 years of age, discourage them from sitting down in public transport (buses, metro, etc.), on the contrary, teach them to offer empty seats to women and elderly, including own mother.
14. Even in the preschool age, begin to introduce your son to all of your affairs and problems, generating sympathy and empathy. What kind of father a boy will grow up to be, can be judged by what kind of son he is.
15. Every day, beginning with infancy, introduce your son to physical exercise, while gradually increasing complexity and intensity: first indoors, then outdoors (if available). Exempt from physical education at school, only when there is a clear threat or danger to health. Before school begins, teach your son to swim, ski, ride a bicycle and play different kinds of ball games.
16. Fully encourage truthfulness, and in the case of an honest recognition of misconduct, the penalty should be reduced to a minimum or absent altogether. Accustom your son to the idea: “honesty is more profitable than deception”.
17. From early age, cultivate efficiency and life according to a schedule; a break in the schedule should be only for good reasons. Teach to allocate time with a small margin of error, in order to leave the house on time (a real man comes to the right place on time, and not late).
18. Accustom your son to a rule: if you gave your word – keep it. It is especially important to lead by example: all promises made to your son, should be strictly kept.
19. Do not make fun, do not insult and do not humiliate your son; never use epithets and replicas such as “idiot”, “stupid”, “dolt”, “bastard”, “retard”, etc. They have the ability to sink into the memory for the entire lifetime.
20. At the same time, instill tolerance towards people, their behavior, opinions, especially towards their mistakes, blunders and shortcomings. Discreetly, but firmly, stop mocking, arrogant, haughty expressions of attitudes towards people. Forbearance is a very masculine quality.
21. From the 6-7 years of age, include in discussions of many family issues, such as placement of furniture, major purchases, organization of summer vacations and so on.
22. As soon as possible, begin to figure out the business and creative inclinations of your son, but do not impose a range of activities through force; do not be afraid to switch from one activity to another. Many people do not immediately find their calling.
23. Purchase (or obtain) a large variety of tools, simple mechanisms, gadgets, parts and materials for repairs and crafts. Learn and explore all of these together with your son.
24. Show an example of the ability to control yourself: “I do what I do not want to, but it is necessary” or “I do not do what I want, it’s harmful”.
25. Do not threaten with: roof of own house, contents, food, clothing, etc. Such conversation can take place only in exceptional cases and is to be started in a serious tone, without much emotion.
26. Promote active communication of your son with his peers, who had proven themselves in a positive way, and have not compromised themselves in any serious way. Welcome the visits of his friends into your home.
27. Encourage tourist trips, trips to sport camps, only staying home at the obvious sign of illness.
28. Welcome any opportunity to earn an income honestly, as long as it does not harm his school studies.
29. Begin teaching the art of caring for women from a young age (for mother, sister, aunt, classmate, neighbor, etc.). For example: hand a scarf, slippers, coats; take their bags and carry them from the car and into the house; choose gifts for women together with your son; encourage the making of gifts with his own hands and so forth.
30. Do not prevent or discourage your son in his desire to help someone, to gift something, to attend to someone, or to even pay attention to someone; even if that means a sacrifice on your end. To assist a person in a difficult moment, to lend a shoulder is one of the main qualities of all real men.
And remember, as a parent, you are the greatest example not only to your children, but to their husband or wife, which they will choose later in life. If you are a father, trying to raise a good son, be the best father, husband and man you can possibly be. Teach by example. If you are a single mother, trying to raise a son, the least you can do is find a best male role model for your son, who will want to spend time with him (grandfather, uncle, older cousin, etc.).